it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cut my penus on the lid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
