I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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