dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
