I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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