im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize