Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
