I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
