You can't special order awesome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
