I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
