There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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