WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
