can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i think im in europe. pls send help
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