I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
