Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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