I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
