Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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