the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i think i just lost a toe
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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