so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
