I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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