Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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