Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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