If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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