You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
