so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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