She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
