dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
