pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
