I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
