Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
