You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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