If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
