is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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