I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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