...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
