why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
