I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
