You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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