we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
