Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
