i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
