oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
