i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's shark week go big or go home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
