Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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