I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
