i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
