Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
