he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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