yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
