I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize