Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
