So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
