For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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