u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
