All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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