I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
