What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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