Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bring me that man meat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
