this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
