just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
