I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
