go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
