I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize