Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
