Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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