why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
