I smell stomach acid.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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