Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
