Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
