I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
