her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
