called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize