The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
