we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
