Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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