Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I need moral support for this bender
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
