so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
