Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I touched a dick in church today
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
