so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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