I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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