I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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