I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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