I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
