Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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