THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
