Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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