in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
