Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
