Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
love makes seman taste better
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
