please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
